The Thinking Trap of Becoming The “Best” Version of Yourself
Many high-achievers often find themselves trapped in the cycle of wanting to become the “best version” of themselves. I’ve fallen into this trap too, striving to be “the best that I can be.” It can feel like a journey of never-ending progress and self-evolution, and if this is your norm, you might even be someone who takes pride in wanting to improve and becoming the “best.”
Whether this mindset comes from a high-achieving family, an academic environment filled with high-achieving peers, or a desire to be the first in your family to achieve something significant, it can have a dark side. This pursuit of the “best” self can make you feel like you're never quite good enough.
Here's the reality—if you ask someone who has made their first million dollars about their plans, they’ll often say they’re now aiming to become a multi-millionaire. Similarly, if you ask a multi-millionaire, they will likely be focused on making their first billion.
No matter where we are in life, there will always be someone who has more, is achieving more, and doing more than you. When we glorify the concept of being the “best version” of ourselves, each accomplishment or milestone feels rewarding, but that feeling doesn’t last long because we immediately focus on the next step or goal.
The trap is that you enter a never-ending cycle of achievements, constantly seeking value in something greater than yourself, as if where you are in life is not enough. Doesn’t that sound like the same cycle and feeling you experienced in a competitive family or academic environment, where no matter what you did, you somehow felt inadequate or unworthy? This isn’t to say you should be complacent and stop striving for more.
Where does this come from?
This mindset of endlessly striving to “level up” often stems from an early belief, usually formed in childhood, that you are inherently not good enough. This belief might have come from explicit messages or implicit messages, such as comparisons to others who were doing better than you.
So, how do we get out of this mindset?
Take time to celebrate and acknowledge your journey and the difficulty of getting to where you are now.
Reflect on what you’re truly hoping for by achieving the next milestone.
Focus on what you have accomplished rather than what you haven’t. That means taking a pause on this “best self” mentality and stopping constantly looking for areas you can improve.
Consider changing the language you use, even within yourself. Words have great power. Try asking yourself if it feels different to think “I’m trying to better myself” versus “I’m trying to be the best version of myself.”
To understand your motivations and distinguish your own voice from others, consider this question: if no one were to ever find out about any of your achievements over the next 12 months, what would you do with your time? What would you be doing for work and your career? How would you spend your days? What are the areas that you would focus your time and energy on?
If you feel as if you’re not enough no matter how much you achieve, while intellectually knowing that you are enough, then that feeling might stem from earlier experiences that have not been fully resolved. Consider working through some of these experiences if they are continuing to hold you back in your life.
